this is the truth: i do not belong to anyone... so i can't see any social gathering afterwards here on Earth. i have been estranged for an extended period of time and would not want be an imposition on people. (why is there the 'need' to be remembered?) at this point there have been many deaths of former friends (comes when you get older), and other acquaintances have moved away, or drifted wide apart.
Faith, you are VERY intuitive! must be our psyche-sun synastry.... your topics are usually good timing for special things in my life! (just wanted you to know that!)
(today is an anniversary of an acquaintance i held dear in my heart. he played a role in 'validating' me in a surprising way, one day, in front of his group of friends. i never thought he paid that much notice of me. then a few months later, he died. home head accident. cruel attitudes by local medical folk in e.r. here... probably why he insited on leaving that place. he went home, went to bed, and died in his sleep-- his natal Pluto was on his Ascendant, 12th. powerful and a genius talent! quite unique, and sooo kind. magnanimous-hearted friend to all... made a secret difference in my life.
too embarassing for my children to have a mom who lives in poverty. for them, i have been a colossal 'failure'-- an ugly terrible disappointment...
i came to HAVE to accept this about my life. has taken layers of years, and is very very very hard at times when the yearnings come back. it's my deep nature to nurture and care. 'home' is an essential core-true "need" for me. it's been denied, ripped away for whatever karmic reasons...
i recognize that Earth is not my real home... acts like teflon to my desires. i am here for whatever purpose the Soul has. can be sooo sad from time to time, but then i recognize the time to recollect myself and come to center once again.
i have no funeral plans, NOR do i have any plans for leaving the earth sooner than i have to... invested too much time and endured too much pain to quit now.
been like a hermit, with an insecure open opportunity right now to reach out over the internet waves...
because i 'already' KNOW and realize this, i can 'accept' my fate-- doesn't mean i want it to be that way, but it's "how" it is!... it just repeats, and repeats. 'parting' is NOT sweet sorrow at all... so at the 'end' of this life, it may just wind up being between me and God. let the birds eat my flesh, and the rest of my body decay over time laying on top of earth...facing the sky. dirt. earth.
i try now to be a blessing to as many souls as i can effectively be... always trying to do 'one last thing', in case that last thing would BE the last thing i do...
(music) Sissel - "Dido's Lament" (from Dido & AEnaas, HenryPurcell) [art](3:03) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr1a8A_i9aY
(music) Eva Cassidy Over The Rainbow [5:31] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RDmXsGeiF8&NR=1&feature=endscreen